Are you an ideal person, or have you ever thought of yourself that way? Or do you sometimes feel like a total wreck?
When I was younger, I genuinely thought I was the ideal person. I woke up early, did my chores on time, and stayed away from bad habits like alcohol or vaping. Basically, I was the type of person you'd find on a "How to Be Perfect" checklist. I listened to everyone, never disappointed my parents, and while my school life was a mess (let’s just say my report card wasn't exactly inspiring), I still thought I was doing pretty well.
I was naturally curious, always wanting to learn something new. But whenever I came across someone who seemed the opposite of me—someone I saw as a “wreck” with no clear purpose—I couldn’t quite wrap my head around it. How could anyone live like that? I thought. I can’t even imagine being in their shoes.
But, as it turns out, I was pretty wrong about a lot of things. About being a wreck, about being ideal—about everything, really. My perspective back then was a little more rigid than I realized or you can say narrow minded.
How I Viewed Wreck/Ideal People
I always thought being “ideal” meant being the perfect nice guy—someone who has a daily schedule, follows it to the letter, and never misses a beat. You know, the kind of person whose life looks like it’s been planned by an overachieving calendar app. To me, an ideal person was someone who was always passionate about something, constantly working toward it with no distractions—just full speed ahead.
I tried to fit myself into this mold, and honestly, I felt pretty good about it. At least I was trying, right? I mean, my life had a structure, unlike those who decided to drop out of school, move to a different city, and "figure it out." To me, they seemed like imposters. How can they be ideal? I’d think. It’s like they were playing life on "easy mode" while I was grinding away on "hard."
And as for people with bad habits—drinking, smoking, vaping, you name it—I couldn’t even begin to understand. They were like walking “What Not to Do” lists, and I honestly couldn’t figure out how they managed to get through the day without some sort of major meltdown. In my mind, they were living proof that “ideal” and “wreck” were polar opposites, and I was definitely not in the wreck category.
I’m sure everyone’s seen this scenario at least once. Your mom, or maybe both parents, yelling at you to wake up in the morning, reminding you to do your chores or not sleep until noon like it’s a crime. I used to think that was a clear sign of being a "wreck." Or when a teacher asks a student to do something and they act like the request is a personal attack—ignoring it with pure arrogance. Yep, that was another "wreck" moment in my book. And of course, bullying, getting into fights, or just going completely off the rails—those were the ultimate signs of being a wreck, in my mind.
The Reality Check: The Cracks in My Ideal Life
In trying so hard to be Mr. Ideal, I ended up losing my purpose and sense of self. For me, being the so-called "nice guy" meant always making those around me happy. I could never say no to anyone, which led to me losing my own character and needs. I always put others' needs before mine, and in doing so, I realized that sometimes being "ideal" is really just being a wreck. What’s worse, if something bad happened to me, I’d be afraid to open up to anyone—especially my parents and close ones—because I convinced myself it would only hurt them. I never valued my own options, choices, or decisions. (But deep down, I wanted to be bold, you know?)
And, to be honest, this all led to a sense of emptiness. I was constantly trying to live up to this idea of perfection, but all I was doing was losing myself in the process. So, this “ideal” thing—what was it really about? It seemed like a never-ending cycle of pleasing others while silently drowning in my own unspoken feelings. I started to wonder: was this really what being “ideal” was all about? Or was it just another form of being a wreck, with a fancy mask? On the flip side, I’d cancel plans my friends made without giving a straight answer. I don’t even know why I did it, but I always ended up saying something like, "No, I can’t; I have some work to do." Then, when the day came, I’d just cancel the plans altogether. If that’s not being a wreck, I don’t know what is.
But this isn’t just about my personality—let’s talk about my current situation. Well, it’s slowly going downhill. As I mentioned earlier, I used to be passionate, but now I feel like a boat drifting somewhere in the middle of the ocean, with no map, no compass, and no idea where I’m headed. And to make it worse, I dropped out. "Yes, you heard me right," I took a year-long gap. And guess what? I spent the whole year doing nothing, just wasting time. On the other hand, I saw my friends—those who were into all kinds of being wreck stuff, like addictions or playboy lifestyles—but somehow, they still managed to follow their passions. They were on boats with clear visions, proper navigation, and a clear destination. They knew exactly where they were going.
The Shift in Perspective: When the 'Wrecks' Started Making Sense
This made me rethink everything I believed about being "ideal" and "wreck." Do these categories really even exist? And if they do, how do you differentiate between the two? How do you know if someone is a wreck or an ideal person?
That’s when I got the answer. Maybe the line between being “wreck” and being “ideal” isn’t as clear as I thought. The “wrecks” I used to look down on were actually people with their own struggles, just like me. And the “ideals” I chased after? They were just polished versions of real-life messes.
As I stand here now, I find myself in a place I could never have imagined before. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d end up without any passion, without that drive that once fueled my days. It’s strange, almost surreal, to look back and realize that the person I thought I’d be and the person I’ve become are standing miles apart.
Maybe that’s what being ideal or being a wreck truly means—accepting that life is unpredictable and messy. It’s not about having everything perfectly figured out or never making mistakes. It’s about navigating through the uncertainties, learning to accept the flaws, and finding the courage to keep moving forward, even when the future feels like a big question mark.
I realized that life isn’t about rigid definitions. It’s messy, unpredictable, and full of surprises. Everyone has their own journey, their own highs and lows. And maybe, just maybe, we’re all a little wrecked in our own way—and that’s okay.
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